HomeLifestyleHow to be a desirable woman: 9 traits men look for

How to be a desirable woman: 9 traits men look for

Couple holding hands
Couple holding hands

Are you looking to be that woman men easily desire but have no idea what men actually want? Or have you been in and out of many short relationships with men not knowing why it never works?

These worries are pretty common with women all over the world because many have been in the same position you’re in now. Read on to find out how to be a desirable woman that men will want to stay in a relationship with.

Truth is; as long as you (as a woman) have ever dreamed about your future, there is no way part of that dream did not include what your “desirable man” should look like.

The same thing applies to men; most of them already created a mental picture of what they desire most in their dream woman.

The question now is what do men really desire in women? What traits do they look out for? Finding answers to these questions makes it far easier for any woman to make her way into a man’s heart. But you can’t answer such questions without understanding men’s basic psychology of attraction.

How To Be A Desirable Woman

You need to understand how men think when it comes to an “ideal woman”. That and many more is what you’ll be learning by the time you read the last word of this article. So, grab your notepad, relax, and join me as I show you just how to be a desirable woman!

1. Don’t Be Desperate About It

First and foremost, girl, don’t fuss about it. You shouldn’t be too eager to get a man to desire you. Doing so will simply make you appear desperate. And you guessed it – no man desires a desperate woman.

Okay yes, women are naturally wired to crave being beautiful and attractive. But that doesn’t mean you should be extreme just to attract a partner. 

Based on natural standards, you shouldn’t actually put much effort to become attractive to a man. The most important thing is to simply be the best version of yourself (don’t roll your eyes, it’s true!).

For example, wearing too much makeup to attract a man does not help anything because most men are not interested in your makeover beauty. Instead, they are more interested in the real woman behind that makeup. 

So, don’t press too hard to appear attractive. Don’t portray the image of another person just so you can get a man’s attention. 

2. Your Sexy Femininity Matters

It’s common for women to wonder what size or shape that men perceive as sexy. Well, to hit the nail on the head, just as women prefer alpha males with a formidable physique, men tend to want their women looking yummy. 

Listen, this is not in any way to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. The truth is; whether you are plus-sized or slim, many men out there will still be attracted as long as you look good. In other words, your weight doesn’t matter as much as you think. Just look beautiful and you are good to go.

But then “sexy femininity” is not just about physical appearance. Your aura, confidence, and composure say more about it. You can tell because while some men are attracted to the sweet, tender, and caring nature of a woman, they also admire energy.

The whole point is; most men are not just attracted to a woman who is feminine and sexy but a woman who has the composure and confidence to take charge of her beauty and sexual power.

In case you don’t know, you are powerful. Every woman is. But unfortunately, many women underestimate their strength and stoop below their standards. Your charm, the way you think, your aura – all these things make you a desirable woman. Never underestimate them.  

3. Trigger His Hero Instinct

“Hero instinct” is a trending concept in relationship psychology today which was introduced by James Bauer in his book, His Secret Obsession

James was a relationship expert who worked with many couples. His main goal was to provide a reliable solution for partners who want to have a strong, lasting relationship. He was able to analyze the dynamics of his clients’ relationships. And after comprehensive research, James discovered that the key to a long-term, peaceful relationship is to trigger a man’s hero instinct. 

The whole idea of the “hero instinct” theory is that men by nature want to be heroes. Well, not your everyday superheroes in Marvel comics but just a hero to the woman he wants. 

This is in line with the evolutionary history of man which suggests that they are the protectors and providers in relationships. They simply feel the urge to stand up for their women and ensure their safety.

The theory also suggests that the average man primarily wants 3 things in life:

  • To live a worthy life and be valued for all his accomplishments.
  • To provide for those he loves; his family, friends, relatives, and most importantly his woman
  • To be respected

No doubt, every man is different. But no matter their size, color, race, shape, or mindset, these 3 instincts are common in all of them.

It is quite understandable that you (as a grown-up woman) can easily take care of yourself and handle every situation — most men will respect you for that. However, the point is, if you want to be a desirable woman to the man you love, you have to allow him to express his biological instincts around you.

Allow him to be your hero at times. Once in a while, give him a chance to sort it out for you; let him have your back. By so doing, he will feel more like a man around you. And for that, he will relish every moment he spends with you.

4. Be Honest And Authentic 

Nothing attracts a man to a woman more than honesty, straightforwardness, and genuineness. 

Men generally prefer a woman they can trust. A woman whose words they wouldn’t doubt for a second.

One important reason we want to be in a relationship is to connect with someone we feel safe around. Now, do you think a man will desire to be with you if you are the type that says one thing and does another? Nobody wants to associate with double-standard personalities. 

The way forward? 

Be real, be honest, be you. 

5. Be A Good Listener And Show Empathy

Men may appear tough, rigid, and strong but deep down, they have a lot of weaknesses and insecurities. That’s why they tend to look out for a woman who listens to their plights and understands them. Someone who lends them listening ears during those awkward moments when their emotions come crashing. 

On a norm, everyone expects a man not to shed tears. Everyone expects a man to be a “man”. It only takes an empathetic woman to understand how a man truly feels. She’s able to walk in a man’s shoes and feel his pain. She’s always there in those trying times to listen to his troubles and suggest possible solutions… That’s why most men won’t joke with such a woman. For them, she’s a rare gem.

Now, let’s clarify a little further; no one is suggesting you should only listen to him and not express yourself too. It’s always going to be a two-way effort. The idea is; while expressing yourself, don’t get carried away. Always remember that men cry as well. And they need a shoulder to lean on, just like you do.

6. Don’t Hesitate To Appreciate His Efforts

This is where many women get it all wrong. They are hardly ever appreciative of men. Some do this intentionally while others are just not attentive enough to notice that the man is truly trying his best to be nice.

There is nothing wrong with saying “thank you” when he gives you a ride to your office in the morning. Remember, he can easily tell you he is tired or busy. But he didn’t. He wants to be helpful. He wants to be a gentleman. So, appreciate him for that.

You see, the best part about being appreciative is that it costs little or nothing — just like killing a bird without any stone; because you gained his admiration at no cost or stress. 

7. Compliment Him

Similarly, another way to be a desirable woman (at no significant cost) is by complimenting your man. 

I’m sure you feel great whenever you receive compliments from a friend, co-worker, or even a passer-by… right? Now, men like compliments too.

Whenever you notice that his outfit is cool, or that he recently got a decent haircut, or that his beard is well-groomed, don’t hesitate to give him a thumbs up for that. Then look at him closely; you’ll see him blushing. He likes it!

However, remember not to overdo this. Pouring unnecessary praises on him might be counterproductive as your compliments might lose their value or even be perceived as mere flattery.

8. Be Reliable

Reliability matters a lot whether in a romantic relationship, business, or any other form of interaction you can think of. 

One of the things that drive people into relationships is so they can count on their partners when it matters. 

Can he count on your support when he’s out of ideas? What about your assistance when he’s emotionally down? Can he bask in your intelligence and knowledge when making crucial decisions in life? Can he discuss his life ambitions, goals, and career strategies without risking your disapproval? 

These and many more are traits that men look out for in a woman. Most men won’t find you desirable if you lack such traits.

9. Love Yourself 

This tip should probably have come first because of how important it is. 

Before you even wish to become a desirable woman, ask yourself; “do I desire the woman I am?” This question is important because you can’t trust a man to admire you when you don’t even find yourself admirable. Ponder on that. 

That love and admiration you want to get from the people around you should begin within you. Love yourself both for what you are and who you are. You don’t have to be apologetic about it. 

By admiring yourself, you’re setting the standard for how you want others to admire you. Besides, practicing self-love portrays a level of confidence that men simply can’t resist. 

Final Thoughts

Before you go, remember that keeping up with some of these tips might not be as easy as it appears. However, this is an effective approach to become a desirable woman. The result you’ll get in the end is worth the stress!

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